Why don't you-

My excuse:

I have no right to.

It dug into my head and planted itself in the dirt.

And whenever crystal and clear water enters to cleanse me, it only grows.

But it's okay; it's a good thing, maybe not for me, but for others probably.

[Picture: Google -> snow spring]

Always dissatisfied, huh.

I got through the first week of Term 2. Everything went okay, but that's what's not okay; I feel like the week should be described as only either amazing or sucky, nothing in between.

But I'll stop there.

Something much more amazing has come to mind, and that is my little discovery: I like wearing my hair in a knot, or ball, very, very much. Yes, that's amazing. So amazing that I think I'll start wearing it in place of the pony tail I wear most of the time.

Oh no. Something even more amazing has come to mind, and that is my other little discovery: I'm afraid of being embarrassed. No, I fear embarrassment. Like, if I see someone else get embarrassed I'll feel embarrassed. Is there a name for that? Like how the fear of small spaces is labeled: claustrophobia. Because words like that are awesome to say.

Actually, that's not even amazing. I guess I just felt like throwing that out there. I mean, why not throw out random things to say?

Oh my, I just read something hilarious:

"Bob 1: I'm gonna go sit on my butt rock!
Bob 2: .."

Ha, see?

Hm. Well, I'm sleepy now. Guess I'll go hit the hay! Or maybe I'll watch some tv people. Yes, tv people. For some reason, yesterday, I called them that instead of "actors/actresses".

[Picture: http://FikreesProjects.deviantart.com/art/i-kept-thinking-about-it-141186348]

I deserve punishment.

You caused the end to a life, a life you acquired in vain.

Yes, only at first did you acquire it in vain, but you still did it.

You're like the hedonistic Buchanan's in the Great Gatsby, using and discarding anyone or anything when seen fit.

Yes, you used to do that to a larger extent than you do now, but you still did it.

You locked it up and took away its life. It could still do things, but not as many as it could do before you acquired it.

You also knew something was wrong with it, but you did nothing.

You tried, but you did nothing.

And so, its death, which you knew about but didn't pay attention to because you "needed" to do other tasks that were much more "important", occurred.

You're an asshole. So, from now on, go do something that isn't "wrong," please.

I hope it's in heaven, or some other good world, where it can throw darts at dartboard with my face on it. Forgetting me isn't enough punishment.

Two things, I think unrelated. The first, obvious:

• If you look at a photo from the early 1800's or 1900's or whenever--some time "back then"--without color it looks old. It may even look uninteresting because it gives off a dead feeling. But if you look at the same photo with color, it gives almost the opposite feeling.
• I love the song Fireflies by Owl City. The chorus is extremely catchy. It's cool how the rest of song gives off a "happy" feeling while the chorus gives off a "bittersweet" or depressed feeling. Like, a feeling of loss. So not only do the lyrics reveal the meaning of the song, but also the way the song is set up. I also loved the music video, but when I hear this song I see gray skies, green trees, and a brick wall. A young boy sits on it, squinting his eyes as he looks straight ahead. He sees adults walking by, with their black and white suits and suitcases. Their faces are wrinkled and mean. They silently disapprove, and even make fun, of him because he was catching fireflies for fun. Then things shift. The boy is now a teenager. He walks through the hallways of his school. His forehead creases as he looks slowly around him at his classmates, slightly disapprovingly. They push and shove with applications, tests, and projects. He looks down at what he holds: a career brochure. He looks back up and continues walking, while squeezing a small robot toy that he carries in his other hand.

[Picture: http://fhrankee.deviantart.com/art/Ma-Petite-II-139425858]

You know what? Exactly.

Every situation and mind is different.

I almost always think that before I act, speak, or judge. Almost.

When I wonder why a person acts or thinks (speaks) a certain way, before I think I have a concrete reason I remind myself with the above sentence. Then I change the concrete reason to a conjecture. If I must interact with this person in any way I base my actions towards them off of my conjectures. The same goes for animals. They may see and hear things differently. My mom turns the volume on tv really high and walks around Mushroom loudly. He's a hamster, a Roborovski hamster--the smallest breed. So my conjecture is: We're giants to him! Thus, whenever I get the chance to have control of the tv, I keep the volume low. When I walk around his cage I walk quietly and without abrupt movements. As a result, he doesn't fear me as much as my mom.

But the above sentence isn't just beneficial, it's deadly; it creates a battle within the mind.

It's ironic to "go by" the above sentence, because isn't it also a conjecture? Like what I was explaining earlier, how do you truly know if that's a concrete reason to act, speak, or judge upon? What if deep down every situation and mind is the same? So now, after figuring out the sentence's irony, the mind gives up and loses hope because it doesn't know what to do. Why should it act at all if it knows nothing? That's one side of the battle. The other side is when the mind accepts all of that and moves on. This side decides that knowing nothing is no excuse to give up. Try to understand, it says. Move on, it says.

And they fight.

But what's even more unfortunate is that they

never,

ever

kill each other.

[Picture: took pictures of my little cousins today, skateboarding. I should've took the picture with the vertical landscape instead of the horizontal one, because it would've showed that he was leaning on a skateboard NOT like he really needed go pee. Hahah, maybe it doesn't look so much like that here but that's because I had to crop off his arms in photoshop. Oh I felt that my grammar and, well, overall writing skills lacked badly in this entry. I'm even having trouble understanding what I wrote. So, please excuse that!]

A ninja-hamster-boy

was one of the results of spending quality time with my family. I had to take pictures of 4 people, 4 places, and 4 things for another Digital Photo assignment. Since I only live with my mother and brother, and I fail at taking pictures of myself, I had to dress up my brother several times to make it look like I took pictures of different people, teehee.

At first I felt afraid to even talk to my brother because our conversation-relationship died several years ago. We don't really talk to each other unless we absolutely need to. Most of the time we just communicate through our actions.

Sometimes, however, there are those moments when we're those kids again, the ones before the conversation-relationship died; we do random and silly things that, surprisingly, cheer us up. I'm pretty sure today was filled with those moments. Because he whistled a lot today, which is what he does when he's in a good mood.

But yeah, he's a skinny, weird butthole of a brother. I'm sorry but I need to write that in this entry, otherwise I feel too awkward posting it about him.

I lost my voice a long time ago, to a chameleon.

I've always knew this, but I never really thought about it. Like about why and how it happened. No, I just let it pass because I thought it was normal. But now I'm thinking that it wasn't.

You see, now, whenever I talk, it's not Sharlene's voice. It's a chameleon, who hears the tones of others and emulates them. The voices vary; some of them are a high and girly voice, a lazy teen's voice, an analytic person's voice, a shy and quiet voice, and an obnoxious and boyish voice.

The chameleon didn't like Sharlene's voice, the deep, upfront, and excited voice. If I remember correctly, that is. It's been gone ever since 6th grade so I may be wrong. Anyway, no, it didn't like her voice, so it shooed it away and began practicing imitating others'. It did it silently, however, because it knew that it could become annoying if it practiced out loud. So during those years it barely talked. It just quietly observed. As a result, it learned a lot about humans and the world and because of that, it felt so ever more inclined to practice. Unfortunately, it did not realize it was losing its identity and innocence.

It has now mastered the technique.

But there is no more uniqueness.

It is just a tool now,

that constantly changes.

[Picture: yes, that's me.]

I woke up this morning.

yes.

I don't want to die now.

I am such a fool.

Only now am I realizing that I should be more thankful for what I have at the moment. I fail to express appreciation and I get blinded by unimportant things too often.

I exercised today and triggered an allergy attack. The same thing happened around spring 2008, I believe, and you would think that I learned my lesson. But I didn't.

Today,

I was sick but I still exercised.

I was extremely exhausted but I still exercised.

I ate little throughout the day but I still exercised.

I was exposed to peanuts but I still exercised.

HELLO?! Did you forget that out of the million ways to die for the majority of people, you have an extra one? Plus you're already sick and tired! What the hell is your problem?!?!

Noooo you just had to exercise because you're oh so fat. Yeah that's going to be such a big problem when you're dead.

So I started coughing and wheezing because I was losing breath. Last time in 2008 I started scratching myself and that was what really set the allergy attack going. So now I'm trying not to scratch myself at all, even if it's just a little itch. I took medicine but I'm not sure if it'll work permanently. So I have to stay up late tonight to make sure that nothing worsens. I really can't go to the emergency room because last time they charged way too much for our "visit." Somehow my allergy attack went away in the 10 minutes after we arrived at the hospital. So I don't want to burden my family again. I'm hoping that it'll disappear quickly this time as well. Maybe I'm just exaggerating and maybe I'll probably be okay, but I can't help it. I don't want to die now.

I'm so sorry for all the "bad" things I've done.

And so so so so SO SO very much thankful for living life.

Fortune costs misfortune.

I'm sick. It may be swine flu because it's not cold enough here yet to give me the regular flu. I think I got it because I was scratching my eye yesterday a lot, and I don't think I washed my hands as much as I should have after school. SO, I have to really make sure that I do that.

But gosh, I hate how getting sick always starts with getting a sore throat. Why can't that part just be skipped? I can handle sneezing and coughing but the sore throat actually hurts.

I'm so tired but it's too hard for me to sleep in the day when there's sunlight. If only today was cloudy..

So now I don't know what to do. I don't have any video games I could play, or any books that I could read. There's nothing to do on the internet, too. I can't go anywhere also because my feet and legs are aching since I've been "running" excessively lately. And I'm not in the mood to eat because I binged ate this morning, unfortunately.

I'm bored, sore, and sick.

This must mean that someone else is having a wonderful Saturday.

I'm not saying that today is horrible. It's nothing compared to other people's days. Mine is just.. bleh.

[Picture: Not mine. http://julie-rc.deviantart.com/]

They stopped chirping when they heard sirens.

In one of the gutters near the roof of my house there's nest with newly hatched baby birds. I hope the parents are still there to take care of them. I can't tell from looking at it. I know there were adult birds there before because my mom would always shoo them away. I thought they left, but I guess not. I began to hear the baby birds chirping up there since early Sunday or late Saturday.

For some reason, the sound of them is nice to hear. I'd expect myself to get annoyed by the noise.

Tomorrow or the next day I'll try to get a snapshot of them. Though, I don't really need one. I already appreciate that they've given me the gift of just hearing them everyday.

Police and ambulance sirens started to go off near my house while I was combing my hair in my room and listening to the birds. I thought it was weird that they stopped chirping when they heard sirens, but then continued to after the cars passed. And then, what was even more weird was that at the same time I had one of those moments. The ones where you realize that you're an idiot. It's completely random. You remember all the mistakes you've made and, this time, you don't laugh at them. I guess I stopped 'chirping' when I heard the 'sirens' of my life, hahah.

It's fun to say it!

This is pretty random but oh my gosh.

そうべつかい　(meaning "farewell party") is my favorite Japanese word.

When I say it, I feel so Japanese especially when I say it with a low voice. But I also sound like Japanese guy when I do that...whatever! It's fun to say it!

It's a Cold war between ourselves

I feel like the majority of people communicate on the sidelines, not directly.You know, like during the Cold War.People could just sit down and have a conversation to communicate, but we feel like we're so different that it'd be useless. And because our thoughts are supposedly so different sometimes we feel threatened by the other side(s).We may even know that this is all happening because our actions make it so obvious yet, we still refuse to try to communicate. The war just continues.And what is it good for? Absolutely nothing, right?So why are we doing this?I don't know, but I should stop doing it, shouldn't I?
[Picture: by Jim Zuckerman. Of course]

They are us.

I'm sorry, Grandma.

That day was my first and last time meeting you, and vise versa.

I was a child, and still am today, too stubborn to express happiness for others.

I want to say "But that doesn't matter because there's no excuse,"

but if I thought it really didn't matter, then why would I mention it in the first place, right?

The memory of this photo has always haunted me.

She deserved more than that, repeats in my mind.

If I was in your shoes, my feelings would've been hurt. I would have felt disregarded, and that's something that I think nobody wants to feel, especially people of higher age like you or those with disabilities.

People tend to move on after a person passes away, and I have, but I think that you're in my mind the most out of everyone who knew you. It is ironic, yes, because I probably have the least amount of memories about you.

When you passed away, it didn't sink into my mind. I felt sad, cried a few times, and realized my mistake, but that was it. So I'm saying it now,

rest in peace, Grandma.

[Picture: It's me, my older brother Sean, & my cousin J.C. or John on a beach. I just really like this picture because 1. the greyness. I love cloudy days, and the sand looks so stone-ish which is awesome, and 2. our faces and poses. They aren't like that just for the camera, they are us.]

Honestly, does the answer matter?

I really don't like the Filipino channel (TFC).

I'm sorry but every show, actor, and actress kind of bothers me.

The dramas are almost the same thing, just remade over and over again. They're always centered around a love story that starts out simple but then gets ridiculously complex. Also, the way they talk is ridiculous. If you're FILIPINO actors and actresses on a FILIPINO show aimed at a FILIPINO audience in the PHILIPPINES, WHY do y

ou randomly say words or sentences or paragraphs in ENGLISH?

For example, a line in a script would be something like this:

Saan po kayo papunta?(Where are you going?) You need to stay here!

It doesn't make sense! Why can't they just say the second part in Tagalog?! Seriously, some Filipinos in the Philippines can't understand any other languages.

I know almost every country now has gotten into that Reality TV show frenzy and has their own versions of American Idol and whatnot, but I think the Filipinos take it to a farther extent. They have an American Idol called "Star Acadamy," a Jeopardy called "Game KNB?," a Don't Forget the Lyrics called "Singing Bee," a Deal or No Deal called the exact same thing, and a fuse of Oprah/Dr. Phil, Jeopardy, Deal or No Deal, America's Got Talent, and random karaoke into ONE show called "WOWOWEE." This show irritates me the most. I think my little description there pretty much explains why, but here are more reasons:

-Most of the hosts act like they care what the contestants say.

-Most of the hosts wing the whole show.

-The contestants are average day people. But that's not what irritates me, no, no. It's the fact that part of the show is to have these people sing or dance in front of everyone when they clearly don't have the "right"

skills to do so. They're basically making fools out of themselves.

-The host makes fun of these contestants.

-The contestants always just have to cry about they're lives and hardships. So much for a happy game show.

-The D.J. isn't that good.

-Lastly, 98% of the songs they use are American songs. None are FILIPINO. When the contestants have to sing, it's like those first 5 episodes of American Idol.

Alright, so there's only one more thing I want to talk about Filipino TV: the actors/actresses.

One of their shows are like those talk shows or interviews between celebrities. Usually, those kinds of shows are about their projects like movies, shows, or scripts. But no, most of the time the shows have nothing to do with that stuff. It's usually about crushes, love, and she said he said. I understand how Entertainment news would go over stuff like that briefly, but not for an hour long talk show! How did you prepare yourself for this part in the script? What about the themes of the movie y

ou're working on? Nope, has nothing to do with that.

I'm proud of being Filipino.

I'm disappointed in Filipino TV and those who take part in it.

Are cultures vanishing or are they all just being put into a melting pot?

Honestly, does the answer matter?

[Picture: Alright so, Jim Zuckerman is one of my favorite modern photographers. His gallery is amazing and has inspired me to... I don't really know, but it's inspired me a lot! In Digital Photo, one of the projects we're working on is The Composition Book. We have to take pictures ourselves that illustrate the compositional elements and then compare it to photos that illustrate the same compositional elements by historical or modern photographers. The majority of the examples I used were from Jim Zuckerman, hahaha.]

I do talk. I just don't talk first.

When I laugh, I make a "ta" sound before making the "hahaha" part.

It's only faint though, similar to how tsu is said. You barely let your tongue hit the top of the inside of your mouth, basically.

I really wanted to write a blog today, hoping that it would be long since I like writing long ones, but unfortunately it's not. And it's kinda too random, I guess, to be the topic of a blog.

Ahhh, I'm bored. Should I talk about my day, then?

Nothing really happened.

Well, I did learn that I should talk more. Apparently, my voice is quieter than I thought and as a result people think that I don't talk at all. I should also interact more, or at least start conversations. You see, I do talk. I just don't talk first.

By engaging in conversations more often, my speaking skills would probably benefit and then when I do talk to people I won't make the mood awkward. I always do that.

They're the same, even though they're not...

I saw two new movies 2-3 weeks ago. One was Knowing and the other was District 9. I'm bored so I'm going to spill my thoughts about these movies.

Alright so Knowing... I didn't like it that much. It was about the end of the world and how these aliens or angels took humans away to another planet so things could start all over. I dislike it not because I don't think that would happen, but because the whole movie was unnecessarily frightening. I mean seriously! They didn't have to make the aliens/angels look like stalkers. That's what they did! One scene, particularly: They were driving in a ghetto-ish car in front of this boy's house and then the little boy just walked up to them! Who--why would you do that?! There were other scary scenes too. Or maybe they were just scary because I can't handle people suddenly appearing behind the main characters in movies.

I think the script writer was a Christian or a Scientologist, or both. It was kinda...cool I guess how both religion and science came together. Somewhat. I still don't like how the movie gave me nightmares.

Now, District 9 I really liked. It was pretty awesome. I've added this movie to my favorite movie list, though they said "fuck" or "fucking" way too many times in the movie. And there was a lot of blood and killing. The movie didn't really make you switch sides from Humans to Aliens like I thought it would. I think 10 minutes into the movie you dislike the humans, then about 30 minutes to an hour later you hate them. But then you realize that it's not their fault, and that they're just humans. And it's mostly the corrupt politicians you hate. Then you realize that the aliens are the same, except they're smarter and have advanced technology. Does that make sense? They're the same, even though they're not... Anyway, the movie was like those Discovery channel or History channel documentaries except you saw everything, unlike actual documentaries. Like, it switched from a video camera's viewpoint to a movie's camera's viewpoint to an interviewer's viewpoint. But it wasn't all choppy; it flowed well. I love love love love lovedddd the ending of this movie. Maybe it was happy, maybe it wasn't.

[Picture: from Google -> "Metal Flower"]

Yeah I think it's true.

Males don't get as stressed out as Females do when it comes to school.
I read an article on Yahoo about something like this a long time ago, but I didn't really think it was true. On Friday I saw proof, or at least realized that proof was in front of me the whole time.
The majority of the people I eat lunch with at school (who are female) have Honors English with a certain teacher. That teacher's class is supposedly tougher than the AP Language and Composition class. It's not supposed to be that difficult because it's just an Honors class, not AP. So they're basically stressing out over this class like crazy. They cram in the morning, at lunch, and when I walk with them on campus they're saying something about the class: I didn't get to study, how many body paragraphs did we have to write, ughh I hate this teacher, what grade did you get, there's no way I can revise anymore, etc. I understand that all their other classes are AP's and Honors, but still, calm down.
Now, some of the guys that I hang out with, who I think consider to be more of my friends than the girls I hang out at lunch with (I act like myself more around them for some reason.), don't stress out like this. I bumped into some guy friends on Friday before they were heading to that Honors English class.
Me: So are you stressing out over that class?
Guy: Uhh, not really.
Me: ...
Guy: He's a pretty cool teacher.
Me: ...really? Most of my friends hate him. They said his class is ridiculously tough.
Guy: *laughs* Not really. He definitely knows his literature. Once you get it, you get it. Yeah, it's challenging, but his teaching helps a lot.
Me: oh...

My friends are smarter than me; as I've stated before, they're taking and passing more AP and Honors classes than me. So these people certainly aren't stupid enough that they're failing the class and therefore stressing out(the girls), or stupid enough that they're failing the class and therefore don't care about their grades (the guys). So there you have it, guys don't stress out as much as girls.
I said "or at least realized that proof was in front of me the whole time," because I'm always influenced by my friends' behavior. Last school year they scared me over Honors English 10, Chemistry, and AP World. Those classes weren't/aren't as tough as they made it seem. Whenever I was around them before school started, they're cramming. I feel stupid that I'm not working as hard as them. But once I go to class, away from them since we had those classes in different periods, the material wasn't difficult to understand. I stressed out for nothing. They dreaded Chemistry last year, and every time I say I have that class this year they say "ew" or cringe. Before this school year started I was afraid of having Chemisty. Now that I'm in the class, I've realized that it's interesting and not that hard.
It's like... a roller coaster. I'm stressed then relieved, over and over again. I know that happens to everyone on a daily basis but this is taking too much of an affect on me. Can't you see? This whole blog is about school. And it takes affect on them too. I don't think one of my friends notices this. Like, truly see what's happening. She can say that she does, because she has said "school has taken over me; I have no life" but she hasn't done anything to fix, or at least attempt to fix, that. She just repeats the same thing, only in different forms. If she would only realize the pattern instead of what the pattern consists of. Changing your focus from all of that stress to something else is difficult, yes, but I think it's important that a person leaves high school with not only irrelevant facts that he/she will probably never use in the future, but also that very skill.

Now I wonder if I should apply this "advice" to myself. Because I think I'm confused on whether I already did give myself this advice.
Yeah, I think I think too much.

I want to learn how to swing dance.

Traditional or old music really brings you into a culture.
Sometimes I listening to traditional Thai, Turkish, Chinese, Japanese, & Mongolian music. Basically, asian traditional music. Since Turkey is considered Asia-Minor...or maybe they changed it. I heard that's not what it's usually called now... Well, it still is no matter what. Temudjin(Genghis Khan)'s empire (he brought all the warring tribes together to form a huge empire in 1206) stretched from the Pacific to Poland. So that's connecting Asia and Central Asia to Europe. Badaboom! It has asian people in it.
I don't think I'll ever forget anything I've learned in AP World History. I love memorizing names that are unique. TE MUD JIN. That's probably not how you pronounce it, but that's how I remember his name. See, this is why I'm not taking AP US History because in US or European History there's like 10 different Charles that you need to know about but in World History there's only 1 Genghis Khan. Ahh, I remember that the Mongols were ruthless! They were like the Asian Spartans. I remember how their empire stretched from the Pacific to Poland because my teacher told us to write PP in our notes for the location. Hahaha, peepee.
Anyway, a lot of Turkish people supposedly have mongol decent. That was my main point, but I ended up blabbing about history.

Well here I go again because I'm bored.
Let's see.. what topic should I talk about.. the Chinese dynasties! I remember it went.. Xia(possibly. there's not that much evidence though), Shang, Zhou, Qin. This was sorta a corrupt dynasty. It lasted for only about 10 years. Next, the Han who tried to centralized the state, Sui, then Tang. Ew, they began foot binding around this time. Next the Song, then Southern Song. The Jurchens I think took over the north so that's why it's called Southern Song. Thennn the Yuan dynasty. That was when Khubilai Khan took over China. After that the Ming dynasty, when the Chinese did not like to trade with foreigners. Last but not least, the Qing.

I'll go listen to classical or jazz music now.

[Picture: screenshot from that one commercial about a liquor drink, I think]

Mushroooooooooooooooom!

Mushroom is the most funniest and unique hamster I have ever met. I would've said owned but I don't like to address animals as my pets. Even though they are. I do say my pet and whatnot when I speak to people in public. I don't want them to get confused.

Anyway, he's so awesome. When he digs his bedding it falls out of his bar cage. So I was cleaning the sides where the bedding fell out and he suddenly came out and started digging in the same exact place! That's just one of the funny things he does. I should get him a larger cage soon so he can run around more... Alright, that's on my to-do list.

Speaking of companions, I should find one to go to college with. Maybe if I meet someone at my school who's looking for the same thing, it could happen! I heard this idea from a classmate of mine in Ceramics last year. It sounded very interesting. :)

I like Jo Coudert's quote:

"To the question of your life, you
are the only answer.
To the problems of your life, you are
the only solution."

We like things that we relate to. Why don't we like everything, then?

That's a good question. Too bad, this blog wasn't meant to answer that.

So moving on-

I feel relieved that my own problems are for me and only me to solve.

Deep down I think people would rather solve their own problems than getting help from others. Because... only you know you're thoughts and feelings. You can say and write them, but that's not enough to express them. Even if you're a superb writer, musician, artist, or athlete. When you do try to express them as an attempt to get help, it'll just leave you to decide for yourself. In the end, you solve it on your own anyway. I like the quote because it's my little reminder since sometimes I forget that I'm completely relying for help to solve my problems.

Though I think how that worked out is just a whole coincidence.

Sexual Orientation by ~shawie9909093487992 on deviantART

I don't have a sexual orientation.
I've always been straight and will never be lesbian or bisexual (no offense to those who are, I'm just not attracted to women) since I've only ever had crushes on guys. Sometimes I still do but I get over those quickly.
You see, when it comes to romance I'm more interested in the stories of how couples get together. Once they are living together happily, I lose interest. I have nothing against them but when I see my mom & dad, my brothers & their girlfriends, or any book/movie/show character couples together, it's kind of a turn off. Picturing me in a relationship is also a turn off. I do wish the best for couples; most of the time when they're happy, I'm happy.

I most likely will be a virgin all my life. Since romance doesn't seem to be my thing, why would I, you know, have sex? It's not only that. When us young teens first learned about sex, yeah those hormones kicked in, I admit that. But now when I see a guy who is cute or kind or hot, I don't feel any attraction to him. Does that make sense? No not really. Uh... it's like saying he's cute, hot or kind is only a compliment. I don't have a desire to be with him or for him to like me. I think sex is kinda gross, too. >.<

If I ever want children, I'll probably just adopt. Yeah, it would crush my heart to have a child that's not blood related to me, but this world is too overpopulated already.

Since I will not have biological children, there's no need to marry since usually when you marry you plan to start a family. Since I'm not going to marry, there's no need for me to date since when you date you're trying to find "Mr. Right" to marry (basically, a partner). I understand that you date to also just have a fun time hanging out. But if I wanted that, I would just call up some friends or family to go do something.

All of what I just wrote explains why I believe I don't have a sexual orientation.

Do humans have to be not-virgins? I never read or heard any rule about that.

Hm. Up until now, I've always wondered why my name "Sharlene" means "free man." Along with other factors, this whole sexual orientation thing is making me see that it fits pretty well with who I am. Though, I think how that worked out is just a whole coincidence.

[Picture: Yeah.. I drew that.]

I would only believe them every now and then.

A few times a day, I feel like there are hidden cameras everywhere that are watching me.
If my school papers or books are out I cover them up because I think that there are somehow hidden microscopic cameras on or in them. I feel even more paranoid when I think that maybe everyone at school is watching and laughing at me at any moment.

I have these thoughts because ever since I was little, I began to think that I was the only human on earth. Everyone is some sort of alien disguised as a human and on their planet they're observing my actions for some sort of data. Where those ideas came from, I don't know. Like now, I would only believe them every now and then.

[Picture: So my cousin came over 2 nights ago and updated our mac computer with some new software. He stayed up late playing against my brother on the Xbox while waiting for the software to install. He likes to annoy me just for fun, which I'm okay with because he does and says the most random & hilarious things. For the most part, though, it's annoying. Anyway, this night he didn't bother me which seemed weird.. However, when I went to use the computer the next morning, I saw that he put the sticky note in the picture above and that he changed my awesome wallpaper to one with richard simmons on it! I couldn't get a picture of that though because, as you can see from the picture above, everything is really light. The sticky note says shaweng because that's what he calls me. I don't know where he got the weng part. =_=]